Hope you’re all well. I also hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. I don’t celebrate any of that so there is really nothing to say about any of it. Anyway, nothing has changed my way except I got another dog. I’ll get into that in a minute. My depression hasn’t gotten any better. I still have suicidal thoughts. Don’t worry, I am a God-fearing woman so I’ll never do something like that. It just never leaves my mind. I think about it often including ways to get it over with faster and easier, but I’ll never do it because I don’t wanna hurt anyone I care about.
The other day I was seriously considering it. I am fed up with life! I brought it to my boyfriend’s attention and he actually got very upset. I felt bad that he cried. I told him everything that was going through my head. He felt helpless, but he tried his best to make me feel better. I love him so much! He is one of the biggest reasons I keep hanging on to this pitiful existence. I really don’t know how to make myself happy. I feel like I suck at this game called “life”. Ironically I can play the board game pretty well. I always get a good career, a car full of kids and a husband, and at the end get the mansion and all the money. I wish that worked out in real life, lol. Someday!
Well, you know me; always manage to laugh at something even when I don’t feel like it. You know the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. So, I won’t let depression kill me. I’ll always fight it and try to be the stronger one. Anyway, so I got a dog last Thursday. He is a Jack Russell and he is 3 years old. His name is “Petey”. I get a kick out of his name cause that’s what I used to call my last boyfriend as his name is Peter. I wasn’t even planning on getting another dog. Here is the story of how I got Petey…
I was out with my friend and she needed to go to the Humane Society to renew her dog license. We stayed there for a while looking at cats that are waiting to be adopted. A few have been adopted since we went there I just found out yesterday. Anyway, we couldn’t see the dogs because the area was blocked off as it is under construction to add more rooms for other dogs that might come in. So, after we walked out of there, there was an old man sitting in his car with a dog.
At first, I thought he had just adopted the dog and I just looked at him quick and turned away. The man started talking to my friend. I didn’t hear him right away, but when I did, I realized he was talking to her in Spanish. So, I went over to find out what he was saying to her. My friend doesn’t understand Spanish so I thought I’d better jump in the conversation and talk to this person. He was telling us that he couldn’t keep his dog. He said his wife had been to the Humane Society with the dog last month.
She had apparently paid $125 to leave the dog there, but sometime later regretted her decision and she paid $75 to get him back. He said that his neighbors were the reason they had to give up the dog. I thought it was unfair that his neighbors were being jerks and blaming Petey for whatever their dogs had done. I am guessing his neighbors didn’t like them for whatever reason. This old man was so sweet. He told me he’s a Christian and had been sitting in his car praying that someone would come along and take his dog home.
When he said that, it really touched me. So, I told him I’d take the dog. The joyous look on his face was priceless! He went from almost crying to smiling. I couldn’t stand the thought of him and his wife getting evicted over a dog. I wanted to help and I did. He gave me the dog along with food, a leash and collar, a kennel, blankets, a pillow, and toys. I told him to follow me home since I live near the Humane Society. He was happy to see that the dog would have so much room to run around. I live on 50 acres of land in the country.
He is a very active and loving dog. I love him! God is good! I remember telling my friend that if I had my own place, I’d get a small dog or a cat. I already have that living here, but I live with relatives. I wanna live alone. If Liam and I don’t work out that is. I plan to visit England this year and finally meet Liam. This would be my second trip to England. I can’t wait! Anyway, here is where it all becomes negative and makes me think that I didn’t do the right thing. I’ll explain…
Before I arrived home with the dog, I had called my grandma to tell her I was on my way. I told her I was bringing a dog home. She wasn’t happy about it. So, from that day on we’ve done nothing but argue. In the past, I’ve done anything and everything to please her. Not this time! I stood my ground and I pretty much told her “tough shit the dog stays”. If any of you remember my post on Xanga where I said that she had always treated me like an invalid, etc. Well, she tried that bullshit on me again. I told her off! I am fully capable of taking care of this dog. My brothers love Petey and support me 100%!
The old man gave me his number just in case I wanted to give the dog back. It’s not happening! I am keeping him for sure! I’ve been training him a bit. He knows to go outside to do his business, but he doesn’t know his commands. So, I am working on that and so far he is learning pretty quick. My other dog likes him, but they are not used to each other yet. It will take sometime! I’ll post his picture on here if it lets me. (I’ve tried several times and it won’t let me add his picture. Will try again later.)
In other news, I am going to dye and cut my hair this week. I also have a renal scan and other appointments which I’ll update you all on later. My trip to Florida is still pending for later this year. I am also going to my sister’s wedding in Puerto Rico this summer. So, I have a few things to look forward to this year. So, I guess suicide isn’t in my plans just reading back on all of this, lol. So long as I have Liam, my true friends and my pets, I’ll be happy. Goodnight!